Some days are rainy and cold and filled with Bed Bath and Beyond.
Other days you get a $99.99 chair at Office Depot that rings up as $49.92. Those are the good days.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Shapely
Why is it that really really obese people and I have a mutual hatred of each other?
Example:
I got the optimum spot on the platform on the way home the other night: in the right spot so I could get to the stairs quickly when I exited the train at my stop, not too crowded on the platform, and no one in front of me to block my way to an open door.
There I was, waiting for my transfer, minding my own business, when I see an immense man with an equally large suitcase lumbering down the platform in my direction.
We locked eyes.
He started staring me down. Not just a glance, but really staring me down with an intense and rather alarming look on his face.
Naturally, I glared right back at him.
We glared at each other right up until the time (and, let's be honest, it continued afterward) he stopped right in front of me on the platform and remained immovable. Not only did he himself ruin my place, but also, due to the fact that he had created a road block, a crowd of 10 people came to be plugged behind him (and therefore, in front of me) on the platform.
Don't worry, I didn't let it end there.
He continued to stare daggers at me, so I stuck it to him by getting on the metro and getting a seat first, to which he raised his hands in exasperation and guffawed at me.
I was proud of myself.
I was also proud of the man who, at the next stop, got on and took another vacant seat right before Monsieur le Hippo got to it (followed by another hand-raised guffaw). I wanted to give the other business man a high-five, or at least let him know how he had helped me triumph, but I figured he just wouldn't understand.
Let me tell you how I really feel:
When you're young, you should be in shape (or close to it). When you're old, you can be any shape you want: round, spherical, square, pear...
le Hippo was not old. And, he is probably the only person I've ever seen who's waist size is most certainly larger than the length of his legs. Unacceptable.
Example:
I got the optimum spot on the platform on the way home the other night: in the right spot so I could get to the stairs quickly when I exited the train at my stop, not too crowded on the platform, and no one in front of me to block my way to an open door.
There I was, waiting for my transfer, minding my own business, when I see an immense man with an equally large suitcase lumbering down the platform in my direction.
We locked eyes.
He started staring me down. Not just a glance, but really staring me down with an intense and rather alarming look on his face.
Naturally, I glared right back at him.
We glared at each other right up until the time (and, let's be honest, it continued afterward) he stopped right in front of me on the platform and remained immovable. Not only did he himself ruin my place, but also, due to the fact that he had created a road block, a crowd of 10 people came to be plugged behind him (and therefore, in front of me) on the platform.
Don't worry, I didn't let it end there.
He continued to stare daggers at me, so I stuck it to him by getting on the metro and getting a seat first, to which he raised his hands in exasperation and guffawed at me.
I was proud of myself.
I was also proud of the man who, at the next stop, got on and took another vacant seat right before Monsieur le Hippo got to it (followed by another hand-raised guffaw). I wanted to give the other business man a high-five, or at least let him know how he had helped me triumph, but I figured he just wouldn't understand.
Let me tell you how I really feel:
When you're young, you should be in shape (or close to it). When you're old, you can be any shape you want: round, spherical, square, pear...
le Hippo was not old. And, he is probably the only person I've ever seen who's waist size is most certainly larger than the length of his legs. Unacceptable.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Under my umbrella...
It's been rainy here in DC (until this afternoon) and I've been in my own little world under my umbrella.
Also, I've been working "late," so by the time I'm walking to the metro, I'm a little tired and more than a little out of it.
On Thursday I tried to sneak around a car that had pulled out of a parking garage (you know, just far enough to block the entire sidewalk) and was hurrying behind it when I felt a big smack on my umbrella. Luckily the smack made me jump to the side just in time to see the security/parking gate come crashing down on my right.
I had been listening to my ipod and hadn't noticed the screeching siren that yelps when a car is pulling through to warn of the gate.
Again, because I had my ipod on, I think I misjudged the volume of my exclamation, because I'm pretty sure the surprised looks from all the commuters were a result of my loud "what?! WHAT?!" as I jumped out of the way.
Who said commuting has to be dull?
Also, I've been working "late," so by the time I'm walking to the metro, I'm a little tired and more than a little out of it.
On Thursday I tried to sneak around a car that had pulled out of a parking garage (you know, just far enough to block the entire sidewalk) and was hurrying behind it when I felt a big smack on my umbrella. Luckily the smack made me jump to the side just in time to see the security/parking gate come crashing down on my right.
I had been listening to my ipod and hadn't noticed the screeching siren that yelps when a car is pulling through to warn of the gate.
Again, because I had my ipod on, I think I misjudged the volume of my exclamation, because I'm pretty sure the surprised looks from all the commuters were a result of my loud "what?! WHAT?!" as I jumped out of the way.
Who said commuting has to be dull?
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Gothic
Work has been really busy lately...but it's still great.
I remember the time when I went to pick up an ID card for an adjunct professor about a month after I'd started working. I walked up to the window and I had a conversation with Mary in the GoCard office that went a little something like this:
Mary: Do you worship the devil?
Me: Pardon me?
Mary: Do you do witchcraft and such things, chile' ?
Me: (Thinking: Oh no, here goes another long explanation of how "Big Love" is not Mormon reality...) No, why?
Mary: Well, you must be one of those Gothic kids.
Me: No, I can't say that I've ever been Gothic.
Mary: Then why are your fingernails painted black, chile'?
Me: (Looking at my fingernails, which I then realized were still painted my favorite dark purple color). OH. No, these are actually purple. I guess they are a little dark for work.
Mary: Well chile' they look awful black and awful Gothic. Are you sure you don't do any of that devil-worship business?
Me: Yes, Mary, I'm sure. (Walking off. Noting: remove nail polish as soon as I get home).
I love my job.
I remember the time when I went to pick up an ID card for an adjunct professor about a month after I'd started working. I walked up to the window and I had a conversation with Mary in the GoCard office that went a little something like this:
Mary: Do you worship the devil?
Me: Pardon me?
Mary: Do you do witchcraft and such things, chile' ?
Me: (Thinking: Oh no, here goes another long explanation of how "Big Love" is not Mormon reality...) No, why?
Mary: Well, you must be one of those Gothic kids.
Me: No, I can't say that I've ever been Gothic.
Mary: Then why are your fingernails painted black, chile'?
Me: (Looking at my fingernails, which I then realized were still painted my favorite dark purple color). OH. No, these are actually purple. I guess they are a little dark for work.
Mary: Well chile' they look awful black and awful Gothic. Are you sure you don't do any of that devil-worship business?
Me: Yes, Mary, I'm sure. (Walking off. Noting: remove nail polish as soon as I get home).
I love my job.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
What brings us together today...
This is me two days before Blake and I got married:
This is Blake and me after we got married. Yes, I do look even happier:
This is Blake and me after we got married. Yes, I do look even happier:
Exciting, isn't it?
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