Thursday, April 2, 2009

Shapely

Why is it that really really obese people and I have a mutual hatred of each other?

Example:

I got the optimum spot on the platform on the way home the other night: in the right spot so I could get to the stairs quickly when I exited the train at my stop, not too crowded on the platform, and no one in front of me to block my way to an open door.

There I was, waiting for my transfer, minding my own business, when I see an immense man with an equally large suitcase lumbering down the platform in my direction.

We locked eyes.

He started staring me down. Not just a glance, but really staring me down with an intense and rather alarming look on his face.

Naturally, I glared right back at him.

We glared at each other right up until the time (and, let's be honest, it continued afterward) he stopped right in front of me on the platform and remained immovable. Not only did he himself ruin my place, but also, due to the fact that he had created a road block, a crowd of 10 people came to be plugged behind him (and therefore, in front of me) on the platform.

Don't worry, I didn't let it end there.

He continued to stare daggers at me, so I stuck it to him by getting on the metro and getting a seat first, to which he raised his hands in exasperation and guffawed at me.

I was proud of myself.

I was also proud of the man who, at the next stop, got on and took another vacant seat right before Monsieur le Hippo got to it (followed by another hand-raised guffaw). I wanted to give the other business man a high-five, or at least let him know how he had helped me triumph, but I figured he just wouldn't understand.

Let me tell you how I really feel:

When you're young, you should be in shape (or close to it). When you're old, you can be any shape you want: round, spherical, square, pear...

le Hippo was not old. And, he is probably the only person I've ever seen who's waist size is most certainly larger than the length of his legs. Unacceptable.

6 comments:

  1. Ouch. Haha, Rach. Only you could be so bold. Way to stick it to the man. Sometimes I wish I could be you.

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  2. I'm very defensive about my interactions on the Metro as well. I've learned to use my elbows to get what I want.

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  3. Hahaha. I laughed and laughed. Good for you.

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  4. Haha. What a great story! I miss the Metro rides home and staring at crazy people. I hope married life in D.C. is going well!

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