Friday, July 11, 2014

The Lunar Eclipses of the Apocalypse

So here's a story that has kept me laughing all morning.

Bear and I were out for our morning jog today when we came across a woman sweeping the sidewalk in front of her house.  I detoured into the street so little Bear wouldn't try to cover her with kisses (which is what he'd do if he had his way), and smiled and said good morning.

She started talking to me immediately, like we were already acquainted and in the middle of a conversation.

"So, have I ever told you about DayStar TV?"

Playing along because maybe she is just lonely?  "No, I haven't"

"It's this great TV provider with over 100 channels and lots of good news programs with great announcers.  And you can pick and choose what you like.  And you will like everything.  It's great.  It's called DayStar.  There are programs about everything.  You can find anything you like on there.

"Oh, that sounds nice."

"Yes. It's DayStar and it is so much better than other TV.  You can even call them today to have it set up.  You can call them anytime and change things, too."

Who is this all-encompasing "them"?

"Well, thanks. That's good to know."  Starting to walk down the street to get away from where this crazy conversation is going.  "Have a good morning!"

"I mean, on DayStar they've been talking about all of the stuff happening in Israel and how terrible it is.  Biblical stuff! Terrible stuff!  That part of the world is going to affect and take down the United States"

Still trying to gracefully exit the situation by slowly walking away.  "Well, thanks for telling me.  Have a good one!"

"Also, have you heard about the four lunar eclipses?  Those are signs of the apocalypse!  This is Biblical stuff.  All of the happenings in the heavens and the Middle East.  It's mentioned in the Bible. It's all signs!"

I decided to pick up the pace and not look back to continue the conversation, but she did still continue to call out to me all the way down the street about the impending apocalypse and the necessity of having DayStar TV.

Because apparently DayStar is actually a real thing?  What would I do without Google?

I feel like writing to DayStar to tell them that they need to get spokespeople who sound a little less crazy.  It's not great for credibility.  It's also not great for a peaceful morning jog.

But it is great for a story, so there's that.

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